However, if advice is ever given it should be direct and assertive. you are defineatly correct in stating that the art of subtlety has been lost from culture- no one is as skilled at concealment as they believe themselves to be. Most people instantaneously recognise unsolicited advice when it is slipped in to what is never an entirely casual conversation – often because we can detect unconscious changes in the behavioural patterns of the people around us and easily deduce fakery.

Giving unsoilicited advice ‘is’ a show off profile- but i believe its because advice is often not the roll-off-the-toungue, spontaneous and boastful display of ego that it is believed to be by some, rather the final product of careful thought, consideration and ones entire inventory of knowledge and experience. In a way people giving advice will seek approval of it- because it is more than an opinion-it is a piece of yourself.

I personally believe that unsolicited advice is required if the person you believe needs it is engaged in something that is causing great detriment to themselves or those around them. just understand that its not a personal attack if its not well recieved- nor is their situation entirely hopeless because you failed to save the day. by the same token advice should not encorporate an attack on their circumstance or mental capacity. if in doubt, visualise the difference in the way you would provide advice to someone whom you greatly admire and respect in comparison to the individual you believe ‘needs’ your advice to rectify an issue. learn from and respect their opinion, constantly bring reference back to their point of view- not yours, make your argument clear, and justify where your coming from and the logic for it.

often its impossible to know someone’s entire circumstances- despite the constant venting you may have had to endure. it is often the case that the reason people want to give advice is they can no longer stand the repetative venting- and if that be the case it should be stated. if what you need is a reassurance someone will be ok- ‘ask’ for it. if your not ‘telling’, then you may be surprised to know that lots of people are more than happy to ‘tell’ you how they are and are not ok.

I guess I should shut up more..

It’s best if it’s never noticed as advice, but somehow, if it takes me a minute or two to suspect that a particular bit of information was probably advice specifically for me, I don’t get nearly as irritated. If it’s actually practical, I might even appreciate the insight as well as the effort that was taken to be polite.

I don’t think I’ve met anyone under the age of 50 who really good at it. I’m not sure how much that has to do with it being a difficult skill to master and how much it has to do with our culture losing the art of subtlety.

[...]Why I Never Give Unsolicited Advice – bly.com blog – bly.com direct marketing blog[...]…

in the first approach, you would tell your friend, “I read about this new treatment, called blah blah blah, are you interested to hear more?” and if they say “no thanks, I don’t believe in anything alternative” then you shut up.

In the unsolicited advice approach you would say “you really should try this new treatment called blah blah blah” and proceed to talk lat length about it despite them saying or indicating that they’re not interested.

Wow Mr. Bly, as a famous copywriter you should have known that in marketing nobody ever asked for some of the most famous of brands.

Nobody asked for alkaline batteries, so why is Duracell #1?

Nobody asked for oversized tennis rackets, so why did Prince rise to #1 in the market?

Nobody asked for a tennis shoe with a waffle bottom. Everyone was wearing old fashioned basketball shoes. So why did Nike become #1 if nobody asked for them?

PEOPLE CANNOT ASK FOR SOMETHING THAT’S GREAT THAT THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT. You have to tell them first.

I’m surprised at you. If your friend was dying of cancer and you knew about a revolutionary treatment that worked, would you keep silent if
they said they were going to use chemotherepy?

People OFTEN don’t know they are doing things the hard way. That they are hurting themselves and they don’t know it. That there is a clearly BETTER way. It’s impossible for them to ask.

>It seems to me that most unsolicited advice
>is very unhelpful because the person giving
>it really doesn’t understand your situation.

Bullpuckey. If my sister needs money to pay the rent while she’s a student, yet she’s living in an apartment that costs twice the minimum rent for the locale and she’s not seeking even part-time work, then you, I, and everyone else reading this post fully understands the situation.