Here are headlines from two different promotions for two different products in the same category: prostate supplements designed to reduce prostate swelling and eliminate urination problems:

A. Male urination problems?

B. Pee like a firehose.

Which approach do you think works better … and why?

Nutrition & Healing, a consumer health newsletter, sent a mailing, which I received today, to sell subscriptions.

The headline: “Cure Cancer With Eggplant?!”

If you think they’re joking, the subhead sets you straight: “That’s C-U-R-E, not just improve–one of today’s most common and scariest cancers … usually in under 3 months!”

I had an immediate reaction upon reading the headline, and I bet you did, too.

Which of the following best describes your reaction to the eggplant headline, and why?

A. Curious and fascinated — I want to learn more. I’ll keep reading.
B. What utter B.S. — snake oil being sold here! Mailing goes into the round file.
C. Skeptical but interested enough to read further.
D. Gotta have it! Where do I order?
E. Other (please describe):_________________

I increasingly get e-mails from people asking me to join something called their “LinkedIn” network.

And always, I politely decline.

I don’t know about you, but I am busy enough as it is.

If I have your e- mail address, and you have mine, and we know each other — we are already connected.

Asking someone to take any further action seems, to me, a waste of their time — and yours.

But then again, I am a Baby Boomer who finds all of this “social media” strange, alien, and absurd.

I have never even seen YouTube and MySpace … don’t own an iPod, digital camera, Bluetooth, Blackberry, wireless laptop, or even a cell phone.

Would those of you who are involved with all of the above explain to me — WHY?

It just seems like an endless parade of electronic crap … pardon my French.

In an interview with Bottom Line Personal (1/1/07, p. 7), Richard Bolles, author of “What Color Is Your Parachute,” says companies don’t want to hire workers over age 50, even though age discrimination is illegal, for fear the will:

1. Lack energy.
2. Retire soon.
3. Strain the company’s pension or health care plan.
4. Demand hefty salaries.

As an old guy myself, I am increasingly prejudiced against youth. I am hesitant to hire workers under 30, for fear that they may be:

1. Too inexperienced.
2. Immature.
3. Lacking in knowledge and track record that can only be gained through years of working in their industry or profession.
4. Ignorant and arrogant–there are things they should know but don’t, and worse, they don’t know that they don’t know.

Who’s justified in their fears of hiring workers who are too young or old?

Bolles? Bly? Neither?

Is there any truth to any of the above fears of hiring the young or old?

Are there advantages to each age group that Bolles and I don’t acknowledge?

“The American newspaper industry is on the brink of a collapse [and] nothing can prevent this,” writes media consultant Paul Gillin in BtoB (12/11/06, p. 10).

Among the facts he cites:

* The percentage of people under 25 who read newspapers is half the number of people over 65 who read papers.

* While the U.S. has added 40 million new households in the last 30 years, newspaper circulation has actually declined.

* One study reports that news aggregation Web sites have cost Bay Area newspapers $50 million a year in lost ad revenue.

The problem, says Gillin, is that “newspapers still operate as if they were the gatekeepers of news, but that gate has swung wide open.”

Gillin believes that over the next 20 years or so, most of America’s 1,450 daily newspaper will die — to be replaced by special interest online communities.

What do you think?

Are newspapers dead?

Or will they still be thrown on lawns daily in 2106?

Will the Internet spawn a generation of uneducated louts?

John Halenar, who reads two newspapers a day, is concerned that it might.

“Although the Internet is valuable for searching out facts, very rarely do I stumble upon something of interest while browsing online,” writes John in a letter-to-the-editor in The Record (12/10/06, p. O-3).

“I look at two newspapers every day, and I’m always amazed at how many interesting stories I find–oftentimes on topics I never even suspected would be of interest to me.”

Do you agree with John that the Internet’s ability to instantly search and find the content you need is both a blessing and a curse?

Or does surfing the Net make you as well read as — well, reading the daily newspaper?

Think a “perpetual care” contract on a loved one’s grave means they will be taken care of forever?

Think again.

My American Heritage Dictionary defines “perpetual” as “lasting for eternity.”

But the U.S. cemetery industry has a different definition: “until the money runs out.”

When I signed an agreement for perpetual care of my father’s grave, I thought it would be maintained — well, forever.

But according to the NY State Cemetery Board, the cemetery may ask you for more money — or refuse to continue upkeep on the grave.

They can do so when the yield on your original fee for the service (the money is deposited in a special fund) does not generate enough income to provide adequate care.

Is this merely a matter of contractual fine print?

Or is the term “perpetual care” false advertising?

P.S. I was once called by a cemetery who wanted me to write an ad for them.

This headline immediately popped into my mind:

“DEAD?”

Of course it was not the one we used….

Source: NY Daily News, 11/28/06, p. 45.

The worst thing about the catalog business is the cost of printing and mailing all those catalogs.

So you’d think that catalog companies would drive all their sales online, and cut back on or eliminate print catalogs altogether.

Not happening.

According to the Associated Press (11/26/06), L.L. Bean expects to mail a staggering quarter of a billion catalogs this year — up 50 million from the 200 million they mailed 2 years ago.

Reason: “It is the best way for us to get lasting impressions in front of our customers,” says Bean spokesman Rich Donaldson.

“Most customers hang onto catalogs for weeks, using them for reference, making them far more valuable than Web-based marketing,” concludes the AP report.

So are print catalogs here to stay?

Or is this only a temporary reprieve, until the generation being born today — who are growing up with computers and the Internet, not print, as their primary information source — comes of age?